Marquez's Story

Well, my story starts as many do these days...a dysfunctional, broken home. My parents were alcoholics (eventually recovering) and between the two, I lived in many different worlds. On any given night I might be hanging out with my Dad's Hell's Angels friends or I might find myself at a Presidential candidate's fundraiser because my Mother was involved in politics. As you might imagine, they divorced. I was about 11 years old at the time and I spent a good chunk of that summer before 6th grade by myself. It was actually a very introverted time for me. I spent a lot of moments thinking about who I was, what I wanted to be, and most importantly...who I wanted to be in the future. Oh, and I spent a lot of time listening to music...lots and lots of music!

One telling moment of my evolution was on our 6th grade graduation trip. Some so-called friends of mine and my girlfriend decided to jump ahead in front of some people in line. I froze. I knew it was wrong. I didn’t follow. I spent the rest of the trip by myself (they didn’t wait for me after the ride) and being ridiculed on the bus all the way back home. It taught me about perspective and mindset and how the two are linked. I also learned then and there how the two affected decision making.

I had a fairly normal middle school experience and my high school time was pretty tame, as well....until the end of my senior year, that is. I was in a very serious relationship and truly believed I would marry this girl. One problem, I was one year ahead and had been offered a full athletic (football) scholarship to Yale. Should I go? Should I stay? Pros? Cons? This was a big decision! I ultimately chose not to go (yeah, yeah, yeah...I’ve heard it all by now - especially from my own kids - lol). It wasn’t just the relationship, I just knew deep down that I didn’t want to leave the west coast and I really didn’t have the passion I would need to succeed at the levels that were expected of me. Another major perspective and decision making moment.

Unfortunately, that relationship did not last. We stayed together my freshman year in college (I graduated from a local Cal State University with a Degree in Business Marketing) and she spent her senior year cheating on me. Lesson learned!

Again, it was my perspective and mindset that helped me persevere through these rather tough times. Little did I know, it was just the start to a 10 year or so stretch that would test my perspective and mindset beliefs as well as my decision making skills like you wouldn’t believe.

The following events have all taught me how important it is to have a positive and optimistic outlook on life AND how if it’s not coupled with good decision making skills, things can still go sideways. In the end, it’s all about PERSPECTIVE.

I got married at a relatively young age by today’s standards. I was 22 and my fiancee was only 20! Unfortunately, it was doomed from the start...I just didn’t know it. While we had been dating for just over a year or so, it had not been “smooth”. I was coming off a horrible break up and that caused me to not fully commit. I don’t mean cheating, I just mean remaining guarded and not allowing myself (or her) to be fully in the relationship. This triggered her insecurities and the cycle went round and round. I remained positive and optimistic that we could work it out. Well, sometimes the best of intentions aren’t enough.

To complicate matters, we had a honeymoon baby. Nine months after getting married we welcomed a baby boy. That was wonderful, but we knew our marriage was in trouble. We thought about divorce and tried to work through our issues and then, surprise! We were expecting baby number two.

OK. So this bears some emphasis…

My daughter was born the day after my Dad died.

Let me repeat...

My daughter was born the day after my Dad died.

Yeah, as you can imagine, this was an emotional roller coaster. It spun me out quite a bit. Unfortunately, I didn’t recognize the effects and made some poor decisions. While I was remaining positive and optimistic, I was not seeing things through enough perspectives to make quality decisions.

Now, as with most situations, there was some upside if you just try to find it. Again, perspective! When my Dad died I did receive a bit of an inheritance and I was able to start my own business. My wife and I were able to keep things relatively calm, however, I realized later that it was the money that was keeping things “balanced”. I think you can see where this is going…

So now we have decided to move out of the area, we’re living beyond our means, and my mom throws out a life saver. She offers us her home to live in until she retires and moves out towards us. Great! Yeah, well, that didn’t last long. We found out the house has some issues and an argument on how to resolve them arose between my wife and my mother. As I was raised to do, I supported my wife. This did not go over well with my mom. We did not speak for about two years.

Now, at this point I am fully aware that my marriage is about to end and I desperately want to find a way to save it. My wife agrees to marriage counseling. For me, it worked well. I learned a lot about myself and how to communicate in a relationship. My wife, not so much...In fact, I learned later that at the session where I completely recommitted to the marriage, she was actually going to end it then and there. If only I had let her speak first that time!

To make matters worse, the money is now gone. For all practical purposes, there is no more reasons for my wife to stay with me. So that means...

Divorce! Yes, the inevitable divorce happens. I also was greeted with another shocking truth. She was cheating on me. I don’t really find this much of a surprise, but it hurts nonetheless. I start to wonder if it’s me, a pattern, or what?!

There are always silver linings and, of course, these circumstances were not any different. If you can stay positive and be optimistic you can make almost any situation work out a little bit better than it would have without being so. One good thing that came from this is that I reconnected with mom.

I now find myself a single parent. That’s not really too bad because I am spending quality time with my kids. I am also focusing on my work. In fact, I am making good money! It doesn’t matter though...I am still:

  • Broke due to all the debt we have and the bills that need to be paid...
  • I have no help from my ex-wife...even though I am paying her way too much for support (I wasn’t ordered to, I just thought I was doing the right thing. I found out later that the courts would have only required a fraction of what I was paying)...
  • I actually receive an eviction notice because I didn’t receive my paycheck in time for my rent...
  • There’s a deluge of collection calls...
  • I even had to bounce a check at one point just to buy groceries for me and the kids...
  • It was a very, very bad situation, financially...

I found myself to be incredibly lonely. When I didn’t have the kids, I would be at work. I would come home and hope for some message on my voicemail or email in my Inbox, but there would be nothing. I enjoy my solitude, but this was getting ridiculous!

In early spring of 2004, I met someone who would transform my current wife. She actually stalked me a bit! As things started to get serious, I tried to put on the brakes and started making up excuses as to why I couldn’t email, text, or talk. She’d always overcome them and have a solution. I should have recognized our compatibility then!

Well, after a few months into the relationship my lease was up. I needed to decide where I was going to live. She had already purchased a house. One evening, she just said, rather coyly, “Why not move in with me?” Needless to say, I was a little taken aback, but as I thought about it I realized it was the right thing to do. I knew I could spend the rest of my life with her. We’ve now raised four kids (as of this writing, they will be 19, 20, 21, and 23).

That is not to say it hasn’t been without its challenges, however, it’s not what you may think. We’re great! It’s the issues with raising kids that we all came together as a family.

  • We dealt with a sexual assault on our oldest daughter while in high school. Unfortunately, her mother did not handle the situation well and it left my daughter with some emotional issues that did not resolve until years later. This also caused for a very tumultuous first semester away at college. She needed to come home to "reset". Believe it or not, her mother wanted her to go back. We took her in and now she’s on her own again building a career. A fresh start is doing wonders for her!
  • Another issue that arose is assisting our oldest son with financial decisions. He dug himself a whole that needed to be rectified and fast! He’s doing much better. Not quite there, but he’s well on his way. He has his own apartment and his other contributions to society for the person he is makes up for it!
  • One last issue came to dominate our family and that was dealing with our youngest son who developed a substance abuse issue. There were many contributing factors, but his desire to be sober and control his destiny finally took over. There was counseling and many family conversations to keep him on track. It will always be an ongoing battle for him, but he'll be ok. He has the proper perspective now. :-)

My wife and I have our careers on track. She is a successful business operations consultant . It comes after a 17 year career in the military. Over the past years we’ve created various businesses and assisted friends with numerous other business ventures. We enjoy experiencing all the challenges of entrepreneurship (well, I do, at least)!

With all of my business and professional experience, as well as my education, I’ve arrived here. I founded Vision Perspective Group and created the "Think More : Care More " LIVE More" philosophy because of my deep and passionate desire to help others!

I would like to leave you with this, if I may. Perspective is everything. It creates mindset. That, in turn, determines decisions which, of course, dictate outcomes. Those outcomes become your situation. If you want to improve your situation, then you need to find the proper perspective. It’s what I help people do.

One last thing, it’s important to think more, care more, live more and never forget that you can change your life, change the world, one decision at a time.

P.S. My full name is actually Larry Marquez Mosher, however, I just like Marquez better! :-) There it is again...duality of worlds. It really is all about perspective!